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YOU’RE WELCOME.” I told him that he could move Beyoncé if he wanted to, but he totally hasn’t. Then I came in and Victor angrily pulled me into his office so that I could see that I’d stationed Beyoncé directly in front of his only window. Victor seemed more disgruntled than usual, so I finally dragged the chicken into the backyard and wedged it into a clump of trees so that it could scare the snakes away. Which was probably very confusing to the UPS guy, who was just trying to be polite, Victor. Nice chicken” and Victor yelled, “IT IS NOT A NICE CHICKEN”. Then when the UPS guy came I hid, but he was all “Dude.
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Then he yelled that he wanted it gone, but I couldn’t move it myself, so instead I said okay and went to watch tv. Then I yelled through his door, “ It’s an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Then I said, “Well, at least it’s not towels” and apparently that was the wrong thing to say because that’s when Victor screamed and stormed off, but I knew he was locked in his office because I could hear him punching things in there. Victor was surprisingly pissed that I’d “wasted money” on an enormous chicken, because apparently he couldn’t appreciate the hysterical value of a 5 foot chicken ringing the doorbell. Laura: What the fuck? That’s it? That’s the only reaction we get? Then he sighed, closed the door and walked away. Victor opened the door and looked at the chicken in stunned silence for about 3 seconds. Then we got to my house and quietly snuck the chicken up to my front door, rang the doorbell, and hid around the corner. It was awesome, and Laura and I agreed that even if we got tetanus, this chicken had already paid for himself even before we got it in her truck. The salesman was having a hard time, and he told everyone to stand back “because this chicken will cut you“, and at first I thought he meant it as a threat, like “That chicken has a shiv”, but turns out he just meant that all the chickens’ ends were sharp and rusty. Then the manager came to see what was causing all the commotion, and that’s when he found the very-conservative salesman unhappily struggling to right an enthusiastically pointy chicken which was almost as tall as he was. And Laura and I were all “CHICKEN DOWN! CLEAN-UP IN AISLE 3” but he didn’t laugh. So he loaded it onto a trolley, but Beyoncé was surprisingly unstable, and the giant 5 foot metal chicken crashed over onto the floor. All this chicken belongs to us now.” Insert-inappropriate-cock-joke-here. He didn’t know anything about them, but he said that they’d only only sold one and it was to a really drunk lady, and then Laura and I were all “ SOLD. Then we flagged down a salesman, and we were all “What can you tell us about these chickens?”, as if we were in an art gallery, and not in a store that specializes in last years’ bathmats. It’ll be like, “ You thought *yesterday* was bad? Well, now you have a enormous metal chicken to deal with. And when our friends are sad we can leave him at their front door to cheer them up.
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Me: But on the plus side? It’s not towels. That’s like, $200 worth of chicken for free. Me: The 5-foot tall one was $300, marked down to $100. Me: You’re joking, but they’re kind of horrifically awesome.
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And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums. Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “ You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you“. Then I pointed out that the last towels I’d bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all “EXACTLY” and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy towels because I “ just bought new towels“.
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I have no fear cause I know who's in control Bài hát: Say Yes - Michelle Williams, Beyonce, Kelly Rowland